Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Its a simple sentence but it means so much.

I realised I find it very hard to muster the courage to say a sorry. A true heart-felt sorry that's what I mean. Especially to those people who have helped me in one way or another. I do feel a sense of gratitude though I do not mention it usually.

Its not so much about pride, rather a sense of guilt. Especially when I know that sorry cannot account for the effort people has spent to help me. Or when the sorry is just an excuse for me to deny promises or commitments I had failed to actualise. You feel so helpless about it but yet you could only muster a sorry to make up for it. But fact is, it would never ever make up for anything. Reality still haunts you every now and then. Sorry really does not help to allay that.

Sorry? I am fucked up.

24 years gone by.

Its exactly one hour past my 24th birthday and I have decided to post something to commemorate it even though I have not really celebrated this time round. Didn't really feel the need simply because there weren't much worth celebrating anyway. Frankly speaking, if you had a year like mine, probably you would have felt the same too.

A friend gave me another perspective though. If the year gone by has not been good to speak of, then perhaps I could actually celebrate for a lousy year gone by and a better one ahead. Well, in any case that came like a few hours too late. Nvm, shall keep that in mind anyway.

Even though I did not initiate any celebration, still some nice friends around me were kind enough to organise some sort of gathering for me and how could I ever reject them. Saturday afternoon was spent with a few close friends I knew during my poly working days. Thanks Alvin, Brandon and Thomas. Thanks for the wine set. AND thanks for your Martell. I swear this will be the last time I ever agree to a ktv session with you all. KTV sessions with you all around is just a boozing session in disguise. I hope I made your day when I puked out my lunch. :p

Had another ktv session on Sunday. This time round, it was much more friendly. Thank you Junyao, Cherylyn, Ivy, Xiulin, Ying and Kengmeng for the nice lil Zippo. And thanks Kengmeng for sharing the honour of being the birthday boy as well. Oh...and thanks for allowing me to insert my songs. Haha.

Thanks for everything my friends have done for me so far. Thanks for all the well wishes I received whether be it phone calls, SMSes, emails or friendster msgs. Appreciate it lots and I really need that badly. At least, its good to know that when everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, that are still friends who will be there attempting to make things right for you. That to me is consolation enough.

I have not made any resolutions or wishes this time round. All I hope for is a year ahead that will leave me contented. It need not be a fantastic one but at least let me enjoy 365 days of peace ahead. Not too much to ask for I guess.

Anyway, another highlight of the weekend besides my birthday "celebration", I achieved another career milestone. My 3rd Shi San Yao in my less than a decade of mahjong playing....haha!

I hope my luck changes for the better with this. I do not dare to ask for much. Let me get all aspects of my life back on track and I will be contented. :)