Crisis
Self created crisis yet again. I seriously do not know how many lessons I need before I can wisen up. I am not even talking about succeeding anymore. Now even existence is hanging in the balance. I can blame no one but myself for the moment of folly that I have to salvage. One last chance, I hope I will get through this eventually.
Seriously I am beginning to question my self belief. Am I cut out for greater things? Should I just forsake all my dreams and seek what most people call a stable job? The question now is not about income anymore. Its about suitability. Am I suitable? I love what I am doing. So much that if survival wasn't an issue on Earth, I would have done it for nothing. Having the passion for something does not equate to it being the right thing to do. Its just like liking someone. Even if you like someone, but she is really not suitable for you, then there's no point. Its an analogy that's abit off though.
All the issues bogging my mind now makes it very difficult for me to see things in clear perspectives. I've taken breaks off to think about it before, but its only a temporary measure. Things got back to square one again. There are seriously too many things on my mind that I have to fret about now.
I said I have derived new found motivation to work hard and be a better person for that special someone but even that is slowly coming to naught. She seems very comfortable with what she has and who she is with now, rendering my presence insignificant if we are talking about further developments. Should I even attempt to convince her knowing well that it might only make things really awkward for both of us.
Then again, I can't even overcome my own problems, what gives me the right to think of taking care of another one's life. I really want all aspects of my life to improve by August so that I can finally have a really memorable birthday, something which have deserted me for the past few years but things are really looking gloomy now.
修身 齐家 治国 平天下。 A philosophy I always believe in since the time I started working. I can't even get past the first hurdle now. What more to think of things further ahead. Perhaps I should really just go back to basics and not attempt to accomplish too many things with limited ability. Perhaps I really might not have the ability to achieve certain things I set out for myself. Perhaps if I had been more positive all along, things would have been different. Perhaps.
I am getting abit weary of all the setbacks seemingly lined up to make sure I get my fair share of dejection. The thing is, when do I know its time to really let go. And that applies to alot of aspects of my life. I guess there is really a fine line between being determined and being obstinate. I seek the answer yet again and pray tell I get the answer soon.
Seriously I am beginning to question my self belief. Am I cut out for greater things? Should I just forsake all my dreams and seek what most people call a stable job? The question now is not about income anymore. Its about suitability. Am I suitable? I love what I am doing. So much that if survival wasn't an issue on Earth, I would have done it for nothing. Having the passion for something does not equate to it being the right thing to do. Its just like liking someone. Even if you like someone, but she is really not suitable for you, then there's no point. Its an analogy that's abit off though.
All the issues bogging my mind now makes it very difficult for me to see things in clear perspectives. I've taken breaks off to think about it before, but its only a temporary measure. Things got back to square one again. There are seriously too many things on my mind that I have to fret about now.
I said I have derived new found motivation to work hard and be a better person for that special someone but even that is slowly coming to naught. She seems very comfortable with what she has and who she is with now, rendering my presence insignificant if we are talking about further developments. Should I even attempt to convince her knowing well that it might only make things really awkward for both of us.
Then again, I can't even overcome my own problems, what gives me the right to think of taking care of another one's life. I really want all aspects of my life to improve by August so that I can finally have a really memorable birthday, something which have deserted me for the past few years but things are really looking gloomy now.
修身 齐家 治国 平天下。 A philosophy I always believe in since the time I started working. I can't even get past the first hurdle now. What more to think of things further ahead. Perhaps I should really just go back to basics and not attempt to accomplish too many things with limited ability. Perhaps I really might not have the ability to achieve certain things I set out for myself. Perhaps if I had been more positive all along, things would have been different. Perhaps.
I am getting abit weary of all the setbacks seemingly lined up to make sure I get my fair share of dejection. The thing is, when do I know its time to really let go. And that applies to alot of aspects of my life. I guess there is really a fine line between being determined and being obstinate. I seek the answer yet again and pray tell I get the answer soon.
