Everything is fine.....for the moment....

Just came back from a very routine billiard session at Katong....I just do not get sick of cue sports....similarly mahjong too...haha...perhaps its due to the little money involved that perks my motivation...lolz!~ However, the more I indulge in all these past-times, the more I realise its not so much about the money involved that gets me interested. Not that I play to lose....but rather to say winning isn't about all the money...however...self actualisation would be too glorious a term to describe it though. I dunno what I am talking about...haha

Perhaps its due to the relief that everything is getting on fine now....issues bogging my mind thrashed out and settled...I feel like a heavy load has been gotten rid of my back. Now I feel more comfortable meeting more people...knowing the people I wanna know better. I hope I can move on from here and who knows....things might get even better. I am not about to ask for more than I deserve though. Even if things remain as it is now...I am rather satisfied too.

However, I do feel the need to emphasize the importance of communication in and relationship...be it friends or kin...what's the point of having someone to guess and fret over what's in your mind when the easier thing would be to voice out anything you feel worth a mention. I am not one who likes to hide my displeasure when I feel things are not right...and neither do I conceal my appreciation when I truly feel so. Wouldn't things be easier this way?

I do not expect people around me to adopt the same mentality...but at least accept me the way I am....I suppose that's not too much to ask for. I am glad I do have friends around me who understand and accept how I chose to live my life. In fact, I think I just found another....and I am elated about it. More than enough to keep my spirits high for the moments ahead. I am not sure how things will turn out...and I am not pining high hopes...but at least I got to a good start...so you could say its half a battle won...pardon me for my optimism though....haha

I guess that's enough blabbering for the night...if Alan and Fred is reading this...I promise to meet up with u all next week for a drink or something...I feel apologetic for not turning up last night for the gathering that seems so rare nowadays. But I am sure U all will understand...haha...

Everything's Gonna Be Fine...

Haven't been doing much exciting stuffs recently....same old routine day in day out...
But of course certain things did happen and it suddenly dawned opon me that I might not know myself as much I thought I did.

I realised that I am rather nonchalant to people around me....their changes in mood and expressions...so much so that it even came to a point whereby I do not even realise what I do or what I say can actually make an impact on them. Perhaps what i have been through and experienced in the past made me someone who do not believe that i could play a significant part in someone's life...and vice versa.

I should be faulted for that...and I wun absolve myself from the responsibilty. I guess I just need more time to reassure myself that my mere existence isn't just for the sake of making up the number in the population chart. For the things that happen at the wrong time...with the wrong person...I guess I can only express my regrets and hope things will really turn out the way I hope it will.

But it really ain't my fault for not knowing what is expected of me. No one ever told me so...I would have just summed it up as a good learning experience for me...however the damages are done....making up for it is the onli minimal I can do. At least I will make sure I do a good job on that.

That sums up my life for the past 22yrs i guess. Wasting my time and other's as well all the time. Some peepz think I am wrong...I think so too at this point of time...and I guess it took me too long a time to realise that. However, I am not about to force myself to change overnight. Not that I can anyway. Heh...Loser with a capital L... :)

People around me are not doing much to aid me either. Failure to understand what I have been doing all along....this I choose to forgive and forget...but the least they could do is to stop heaping unneccesary pressure on me. I am fighting a war of sorts. Battles won and lost...just when I thought I won over some critics...some have to be a spoilsport and make life difficult for nothing. So called family. Haa~

I am not about to utilise this blog as a channel for all my whining and complaints but i just deem it necessary for me to pour out my frustrations somewhere...at least I feel much better this way. Part and parcels of life...so my friend viewed it. I agree on that. At least I know things are going to get better....everything's gonna be fine real soon....

I need some directions....badly..

I realise I am losing focus in life recently...I have been telling myself I need to concentrate on what's of upmost importance to me now...which is my insurance job..but somehow or rather...I have strayed off....

Have been thinking alot recently....given thoughts to alot of things that I know I am incapable of indulging in...not that i can help it though. The distractions are just so conspicious...just need to get myself back on track....but I doubt my determination.

Perhaps I am just blabbering nonsense...things may not seem to be as complicated as I thought...true enough it could be kept simple just as long as I can convince myself that whatever I have in my mind are just distractions that I should eliminate...Eliminate simply by telling myself its rather impossible and certainly not worth any ounce of effort.

To be honest, I thought I convinced myself a few months back...but its all coming back again...same old feeling...same old scenario....its simply a vicious cycle that I should just get out of once and for all...until I am fully convinced that I am up to it...Yup...I must get it drilled into my mind...

Boring la~

Just a simple update...nothing much in my life that is worth mentioning the past 2 weeks...I am a boring person. Bye...

Haha...well....something worth a mention though...met up with my sec sch mates on Sun for a simple dinner gathering...had dinner at Sketches mainly because there is air-conditioning...liew...For the welfare of everyone since it ain't nice to sweat over a steamboat dinner and i still kena complained...lolz~~~

Went over to a ktv pub named Stone Cove....had a great time drinking and toking cock...not to mention the free pool available there...not a bad place. A pity though that most of them had to leave early..with the exception of Yvonne and Clarence...but its fine with me. Had a good time catching up since its really been ages we have met up.

If everyone do not mind...we should have these gatherings more often man....